There is of course another World Cup going on at the moment and we join the action at the end of a thrilling final where as ever the adversaries are Germany and a tired England
Here's the ageing yet still debonair Sepp Maier
And a worn out Gazza
2-2 on penalties and Gazza can only watch and admire the grace and poise with which Sepp (Germany are that good they let the keeper take the penalties) strokes the ball past a lethargic Gascoine
3-2 Germany as the 'Silver Fox' takes to the line
Gazza flicks the ball top left corner, Sepp has it covered, but..
Oh No, some git in Row J of the England fans takes the brave German out with an accurately thrown pound coin and down he goes, 3-3
Sepp is temporarily blinded by the hooligan's action and quite understandably fires his penalty high over the bar and indeed out of the stadium..
Still 3-3
Next up Gazza toe pokes a feeble attempt
Straight at Clooney lookalikie Sepp, still 3-3
No photo now of Sepp stuffing it past Gurgle to make it 4-3 Germany as the camerawoman left to crack open more Vinho Tinto and she was sure he'd score anyway….
So to force sudden death, negate an obligatory England managerial sacking, and avoid total humiliation….AGAIN, Gazza saunters up and loops a curving ball to Sepp's right
The crowd of one holds her breath….
and Catlike Sepp not only plucks the ball from the air but floats gracefully in to a semi-recumbant, almost restful position, looking back to see a tearful Gazza wondering how they lost 3-4 to zee glorious Germans..
Teutonic dancing celebrations are the order of the day as Sepp wonders how England ever got this far anyway…
Back at Mrs Miggins' Pie Shop international relations are restored as Sepp explains in detail the secret of eternal youth to a depressed Gazza
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